From the category archives:

Week 30

Bad Days Happen

by Esther on Sun, Feb 28th, 2010

in Challenges,Pregnancy by week,Psychological,Week 30

For the most part, it’s not difficult to dedicate myself to making a whole human being that will be a part of my family linage and history forever.  It’s a pretty beautiful job to have, after all, and I am the only person I know in this family who can bare children with my husband, so I’ve got to be up to the challenge if I want to expand our awesome little family…

But, honestly, there are some not so nice days.  On Thursday, I had my first full-on pregnancy break down.  I had worked for my usual 8 hours, but was exhausted with horrible acid reflux and counting down each client and each hour.  Luckily, it’s easy for me to keep my game face on when I’m with my clients.  After all, their time is time that they are paying me for!  It’s not my time to collapse into a ball of pregnant emotions.  I have to not only tough it out, but be the best I can possibly be for the people who make my livelihood possible.  So, that said, I was perfectly fine at work.  I had my amazing and warm-hearted assistants helping me out with shampoos while I took 5 minute breaks to sit quietly and rest my back.  I made it through 7pm, 8pm, and finally through the wicked-tired hour of 9pm…

I packed my bag, walked home, and opened the door to a dark house at 9:30.  I stood in the kitchen for a minute and thought about cooking dinner.  My feet screamed.  My back moaned.  I literally threw up in my mouth a little for the hundredth time that day… and then dear friends, I just lost it and began to sob with the drama of a heartbroken teenager.  I gave it a minute before trying to gather up my senses into some semblance of adult and motherlike behavior, and then I lost it again.  I moved to the bed and just cut loose.  My husband arrived home a few seconds later.  Of course he was super concerned that I was bleeding or contracting, and searching for signs of a newborn on the floor… and I here I was having a hard time even communicating through my sobs that I was totally fine and just needed to cry for a minute.  Eventually, we set our communication straight, he held me and soothed me, and I ultimately got out of bed to make us a delicious and highly complex late dinner of almond butter, jam and apple sandwiches before settling back into bed (bringing my sandwich along for the ride) with a book I couldn’t concentrate on because I was having so much ligament discomfort… Eventually I just did a whole lot of hypnobreathing practice until falling asleep soundly in my fortress of pillows.

That seemed to be a somewhat late official introduction into the third trimester.  I’m puffy.  I’m farting.  I’m getting bigger and bigger.  I’m super tired.  And I’m getting annoyed!  I don’t like that Saturday night means DRUNK IDIOT NIGHT to everyone but me.  I don’t like that everyone wants to walk faster than I can handle.  I don’t like that I have to ask for an anchoring hand to help me off the darn couch.  I don’t like that I stepped on the new closet shelving system that I just built and broke it like an idiot.  I don’t like having to order my thai delivery with no spice like a total weakling.  I don’t like that there are so many things that I don’t like.  I annoy myself when I get off my regularly scheduled program of being a happy person who honestly has everything she could possibly need.

Luckily, there will always be good days to balance out the bad.  I intend to dive into those days, eat them up, savor them, and digest them like the fantastic nutrition they are.  Apparently I’m going to need the extra good-feeling nutrients for the next few crazy months.  In the meantime, I leave you with an image of what I look like when I’m having an ill-tempered moment:

When the 3rd trimester can suck it...

While I’m at it… bad days don’t only happen when I’m pregnant, that’s for certain.  I’m wondering what will happen when I want to tear my hair out and I have a child that I have to behave for.  Is this when parents switch off for a little while?  OH the things I need to learn!

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Imminence

by Esther on Sun, Feb 28th, 2010

in Parenthood,Pregnancy by week,Psychological,Week 30

The other day, one of my wonderful clients was booking her next appointment for her haircut and color at the salon. I asked what the date of her appointment was, and it turned out to be a good 11 days before my last day at work. I was surprised that I had so much work time left and searched for a word to explain my surprise.

“Everything just feels so… so….” I stumbled to find the words.

“Imminent!!” she exclaimed.

And that has become my word for this week. Maybe it’s my word for the next few years. Every moment Milton and I have alone makes me grasp to hold it tightly – these moments are bound for imminent change. Every kick I feel is one less kick I will feel with this baby inside of me. Everything precious is only precious for right this moment, and about to give way to other new and precious things, which will in turn slip away for even more things new and precious.

I looked up at him today and said, “Can you believe we’re having a baby?”

He replied, “And that baby will turn into a kid, and that kid will turn into an adult…”

“And he will be a member of our family,” I said, “And it will always be the three of us, after all this time of it being the two of us.”

It’s a pretty magical and confounding thing to realize that life as you know it is about to become completely and beautifully upheaved.  It will become life as we never knew it.  It will be a completely new journey that we can’t possibly be completely prepared for.  No amount of book reading or closet cleaning is going to make us more aware of what life will really be like once pregnancy ends.  And pregnancy ends in the not too distant future….

Milton and Sopor cuddle at dusk.

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