One year ago tonight I went to a burlesque show with great hope of finding some loving, sexy energy that would slide my baby out from his comfortable nest within. My water broke during intermission.
One year ago tomorrow, I became a mother. I’m sad to report that I haven’t been to a single burlesque show (or show in general) since. I am happy to report the following:
Axelrod has been with us for a year. He is amazing. He is sweet and hilarious. He, like the other people I am attracted to and love, is already somewhat complicated and layered. He somehow manages to embody the adjectives slow, easy, feeling, introspective and observant while also being silly, stubborn, persistent, curious, and happy.
Today, while I sat and typed a gratuitous email on my iPhone, Niko cruised around our coffee table with a crumpled dollar in his hand. Trying to get my attention, proud of his acquisition, he waved to me. I smiled and continued to type while watching him from my periphery. He reached the end of the coffee table, grinning, and took three steps towards me. These are his first multiple steps! He did them without any encouragement. It is so like him to wait until we don’t expect him to do something, then get right into it. He laughed, we laughed. We all knew we were having a moment.
To prepare for those three steps, his sleep has been difficult lately. When I say “difficult,” I mean to the tune of hourly + wakings a night. Every 2 hours, I seem to be able to handle. Every hour? Not so easily. It is a testament to how awesome this kid is when I tell you that we continue to survive and continue to laugh with him for the majority of our day. We trust that his second year will bring more rest to the whole family.
This year, I have learned so much. I don’t know how to put it all into words. I am practicing patience. I am navigating the wilds of marriage with new added richness and responsibility. I am learning, through my child, how to be more authentic and true to myself. I am learning how to forget about an afternoon of stress and, instead, just go to the playground! I am learning to let go, while holding together so much.
I never knew my heart could be so full. I never knew that the simplest children’s books could make me cry so much. I never knew how much one very small person could change my life. I never knew that hard work could be so gratifying, or that something so gratifying could be so difficult. I never really understood how much being a parent could change me; I realize that no one could ever know.
Obviously, I am so glad that we decided to walk down this road. I love my little family, utterly, and can not imagine my life without this husband or baby. I am so thankful to have both of those spirits in my life. I feel totally fortunate. Even in my darkest, most resentful moments (believe me, I’ve had many), I feel grateful.
Thanks so much to all of you for following us along on this journey. And!
Happy Birthday, Axelrod!