Bad Days Happen

by Esther on Sun, Feb 28th, 2010

in Challenges,Pregnancy by week,Psychological,Week 30

For the most part, it’s not difficult to dedicate myself to making a whole human being that will be a part of my family linage and history forever.  It’s a pretty beautiful job to have, after all, and I am the only person I know in this family who can bare children with my husband, so I’ve got to be up to the challenge if I want to expand our awesome little family…

But, honestly, there are some not so nice days.  On Thursday, I had my first full-on pregnancy break down.  I had worked for my usual 8 hours, but was exhausted with horrible acid reflux and counting down each client and each hour.  Luckily, it’s easy for me to keep my game face on when I’m with my clients.  After all, their time is time that they are paying me for!  It’s not my time to collapse into a ball of pregnant emotions.  I have to not only tough it out, but be the best I can possibly be for the people who make my livelihood possible.  So, that said, I was perfectly fine at work.  I had my amazing and warm-hearted assistants helping me out with shampoos while I took 5 minute breaks to sit quietly and rest my back.  I made it through 7pm, 8pm, and finally through the wicked-tired hour of 9pm…

I packed my bag, walked home, and opened the door to a dark house at 9:30.  I stood in the kitchen for a minute and thought about cooking dinner.  My feet screamed.  My back moaned.  I literally threw up in my mouth a little for the hundredth time that day… and then dear friends, I just lost it and began to sob with the drama of a heartbroken teenager.  I gave it a minute before trying to gather up my senses into some semblance of adult and motherlike behavior, and then I lost it again.  I moved to the bed and just cut loose.  My husband arrived home a few seconds later.  Of course he was super concerned that I was bleeding or contracting, and searching for signs of a newborn on the floor… and I here I was having a hard time even communicating through my sobs that I was totally fine and just needed to cry for a minute.  Eventually, we set our communication straight, he held me and soothed me, and I ultimately got out of bed to make us a delicious and highly complex late dinner of almond butter, jam and apple sandwiches before settling back into bed (bringing my sandwich along for the ride) with a book I couldn’t concentrate on because I was having so much ligament discomfort… Eventually I just did a whole lot of hypnobreathing practice until falling asleep soundly in my fortress of pillows.

That seemed to be a somewhat late official introduction into the third trimester.  I’m puffy.  I’m farting.  I’m getting bigger and bigger.  I’m super tired.  And I’m getting annoyed!  I don’t like that Saturday night means DRUNK IDIOT NIGHT to everyone but me.  I don’t like that everyone wants to walk faster than I can handle.  I don’t like that I have to ask for an anchoring hand to help me off the darn couch.  I don’t like that I stepped on the new closet shelving system that I just built and broke it like an idiot.  I don’t like having to order my thai delivery with no spice like a total weakling.  I don’t like that there are so many things that I don’t like.  I annoy myself when I get off my regularly scheduled program of being a happy person who honestly has everything she could possibly need.

Luckily, there will always be good days to balance out the bad.  I intend to dive into those days, eat them up, savor them, and digest them like the fantastic nutrition they are.  Apparently I’m going to need the extra good-feeling nutrients for the next few crazy months.  In the meantime, I leave you with an image of what I look like when I’m having an ill-tempered moment:

When the 3rd trimester can suck it...

While I’m at it… bad days don’t only happen when I’m pregnant, that’s for certain.  I’m wondering what will happen when I want to tear my hair out and I have a child that I have to behave for.  Is this when parents switch off for a little while?  OH the things I need to learn!

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Kristy Tue, Mar 2nd, 2010 at 1:17 am

Hang in there! Those days don’t end with pregnancy, I’m afraid. This is when you give yourself a time-out and lock yourself in your room to regroup. Of course, the child banging and screaming on the other side of the door doesn’t make for a very tranquil time-out, but enough to compose yourself and jump back in and count the hours until bedtime :)

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2 misha Thu, Mar 4th, 2010 at 5:22 pm

Seconded!
There are times when it all just slides off your back and other times when all kinds of things come together to really test your patience. That’s what being a momma is all about! And a wife, and a member of the workforce, and a pet owner, and a home owner and all the other kinds of responsibilties that dump themselves on you when you are completely pooped.
The crucial part is recognizing when you’ve had enough and need a break. Red, you’ll be ok! Just think, soon you will have a little baby nugget in your house to laugh with and cry with and squeeze and all that shit just won’t matter any more because all the love and joy you need is in your house with you.

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