Regarding things nobody tells you

by Milton on Wed, Oct 28th, 2009

in Studies and rumors,Week 13

I’ve been reading a lot of pregnancy blogs as well as new parenting blogs (20 in my RSS folder at the moment), and the phrase, “they never tell you X” keeps coming up.  I’m terrified of whatever it is that will fit into the “they never told me X” category for me, because I’m reading so much and they are telling me so much that it’ll be interesting to see what exactly it is that slips through the cracks.  I can’t even imagine.  And I guess that’s the point. Yikes!

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Ariel Wed, Oct 28th, 2009 at 8:49 pm

The one that gets me is when people say, “They never tell you it’s going to be SO HARD.” Do these people not read mommy blogs, a genre which seems to be dedicated to talking about how hard it is?!

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2 Milton Wed, Oct 28th, 2009 at 8:56 pm

The same thing goes through my head! Everything that has been prefixed with that phrase so far has been something that I’ve heard already, and quite a bit. But, maybe everyone’s got their blind spot and there’s one special thing that slips through the cracks. I can’t wait to find out what it is!

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3 Ariel Wed, Oct 28th, 2009 at 9:08 pm

I think, like any mainstream dream, for some people having kids comes with a lot of romantic visions of what it’s going to be like. Sort of like getting married — people are all “I’ll get married and THEN things will be perfect!” People hang their hats on their visions … and then are sometimes aghast at the realities.

I’m on the other end of the spectrum where I’m like “omg, will I ever sleep again? will we ever have sex again? will I ever brush my hair again?” We went to a PEPS orientation, and I loked at the parents of 1mo-olds and was like “HEY! They look like they showered today! What’s all this ‘everything changes and is awful and you have no time for yourself?’ scare mongering I keep hearing?”

I suppose reality is somewhere between the nightmare visions and romantic glossy greeting cards….

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4 Milton Wed, Oct 28th, 2009 at 9:41 pm

Maybe yours will be “Nobody told me it would be this EASY!” :)

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5 Kristy Thu, Oct 29th, 2009 at 12:02 am

Oh yes, but this is the fun of parenting! There is so many differences between parenting styles and kids that even if you did read every single book on the planet about parenting, you’re still going to be baffled daily and have to figure things out, because not only do they not tell you that, but the things they do tell you that are supposed to happen, don’t seem to happen to your kid! And those things that you do learn about and are so gung-ho about, your kid will hate and you’ll have to figure out plan B on a regular basis. Aren’t you super excited now?!?

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6 Milton Thu, Oct 29th, 2009 at 12:15 am

That’s a good point! Except, now that you told me, I’ll be expecting this to happen. Just kidding.

I know what you’re saying though. And despite the way I’m joking about it here, I am actually really excited to learn about all of the things that get thrown in the mix that I won’t be prepared for. I will try to be as prepared as possible, but not over-prepared so much that I feel disappointed when the reality doesn’t match up perfectly with the preparation.

It all seems so abstract now, which is part of the problem. This is why I need to know the gender ASAP! Time, why you gotta move so slowly?

Have you told Adelyn about a new cousin that might show up in May?

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7 Kristy Thu, Oct 29th, 2009 at 1:07 am

Yes, I told Adelyn. She’s super excited to have another cousin. Ryan’s sister is actually pregnant now too (due Dec 31st), so your baby will be cousin #3 for her. We definitely want to come up to visit sometime after the baby is born. I think I might wait a couple months though, because newborns are so boring, all they do is sleep!

But yes, just keep an open mind and explore your options and learn as much as you can, but just don’t get too stuck on some specific idea of how you think things should go. Because you really have to tweak everything in real time to make it work for your family. For example, I was gung-ho on breastfeeding but I just didn’t make enough milk for her and she was feeding almost hourly for the first couple weeks. She was constantly starving and fussy and I was exhausted, so bottle feeding was really the best option for our particular situation. It took a while for me to overcome the guilt but I knew that I did everything I could and it just didn’t work out for us the way it so easily works for most people. And Adelyn turned out perfectly healthy and super smart despite the idea *they* harped about breastmilk being crucial in brain development, lol.

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8 Julie Tue, Dec 15th, 2009 at 6:51 am

Nobody told me about the “6 week peak”. Apparently, baby’s fussiness tends to peak at 6 weeks. The first 2 weeks, we believed our baby was just a miraculously good baby and a sound sleeper. Apparently all babies are equally good and sound sleepers for the first 2 weeks. The crying starts in week 3, and there is a steady crescendo until week 6 or so. Right when you are convinced you have a colicky baby, you realize that babies just cry more than you thought they would. That book called “happiest baby on the block” teaches a method (5s) for soothing your baby. The method works beautifully. The 6 week peak. What a debacle.

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