A whole other person

by Esther on Fri, Sep 18th, 2009

in Challenges,Psychological,Week 07

This afternoon, I had a long chat with a girlfriend on the phone.  She is in the throws of trying to conceive.

I haven’t yet told her of my own pregnancy.  I’m hesitant to talk about it openly at this point, because it seems so possible that this pregnancy will end like up to 60% of other first-trimester pregnancies do- in a miscarriage.  I have shared my information with some good friends, but mostly prefer to keep my information to myself (and this blog) at this point.

Anyhow, this good friend was talking about the recent possibility of being pregnant.  She kept referring to this possibility, and saying things like, “I mean, I could have been carrying a whole other person.”

This got me to thinking… what exactly do I consider my 7 week condition?  Do I consider myself to be carrying a whole other person?

Let’s make a list of how I am feeling this week:

  1. I am stressed out about our living situation. (definitely related to pregnancy)
  2. I am stressed out about my family. (maybe only related because of the elevation of hormones)
  3. I want to puke.  Sometimes I want to puke more than other times… but I could summon the feeling at any moment if I were to really tap into it. (definitely a symptom of pregnancy)
  4. I am on a boat.  In motion.  I am constantly dizzy. (also a major symptom)
  5. I feel as if I’m stoned.  This is particularly annoying when I can’t find simple nouns in my regular vocabulary. (yep.  pregnancy apparently makes you stupid.)

All in all, taking these things into account, I am definitely 100% pregnant.  And, if the old adage of “The sicker you feel, the stronger your pregnancy” is true, this pregnancy really seems to be sticking a whole lot more than the failed pregnancy I had 6 months ago.

So… am I carrying a whole other person?  I don’t know how I feel about that just yet.

I feel as if have a condition.  That condition could progress to a birth.  I really hope that condition DOES progress to a birth.  I would like to ultimately give birth to a whole other person. But, right now, I feel detached from my body a whole lot.  Little changes are happening that impede my regular life.  I can’t drink my beloved wine.  My belly is just beginning to swell and get into the way in yoga class.  My boobs are alien creatures who apparently have minds of their own.  My usually successful attempts at fashion suddenly do not work.  I am having mild panic attacks when looking at pregnancy gear at A Pea in the Pod.

All of this, for me, does not add up to carrying a whole other person. But, hey, I’ll totally let you know when I feel differently.  Not feeling as if I’m carrying a whole other person certainly doesn’t affect my level of anticipation or excitement for the future.

Hopefully feeling that my condition adds up to a whole other person will happen at some point, but it might not happen until birth.  I guess we’ll see.

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: